The disturbing life of Harry Potter
by The Marauders1
Summary: Hogwarts is a very disturbing place especially for Harry Potter (by Snusnug). That it it, especially now chapter 2 (by Neko), and Chapter 3 (By Jc)
1. Of crotchless jeans and Christina Auiler...

Harry Potter and the Disturbing Detention  
  
A/N We don't own Harry Potter.  
  
Well what to say. I have a PHD in pervertedness and have decided to put it to good use mainly by torturing Harry Potter.  
  
Snusnug  
  
***  
  
Harry Potter was once again serving detention with Professor Snape. It had been a normal enough potion lesson until Draco Malfoy dared Harry to play a prank on Snape. He was of course caught had 25 points taken from Gryffindor and given detention.  
  
So Harry was walking down the corridor to Snape's office and he thought he could hear music coming from Snape's office. Thinking he was imagining it he knocked and opened the door.  
  
"Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" Harry screamed at the site that met him and ran.  
  
Much later in the Gryffindor common room Ron and Hermione were trying to find out why Harry was so pale, shacking and looked like he was going to throw up.  
  
"Come on Harry you can tell us. What was it? Did you see Voldemort?"  
  
"Much worse" was all Harry could say  
  
"Snape naked"  
  
"He was dressed up as Christina Aguilera from the video for Dirty. You know the one with the crotchless jeans and he was dancing and singing along"  
  
Ron looked perplexed by all the words in that sentence but Hermione's eyes widened in shock before bursting out laughing.  
  
"Its not funny it was the bit that went 'I wanna get dirty' and he was shacking h-his" Harry burst into tears "he was wriggling his bottom" 


	2. Of short dresses and Kylie Minogue

A/N: Hullo all! This is Neko and, as most of you know, I write real long authors notes, so I'm not going to this time! Ha!! Well, we're all gonna write one chapter to this, here's my little attempt at perverting Harry Land even more! Enjoy!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Harry Potter and the Disturbing Detention Part 2 - Kylie Minogue  
  
  
  
  
  
It had been a week since the Christina Aguilera incident, and Harry had almost gotten over the fact that he had seen Snape in crotchless jeans. The therapy was going well and he was almost back to normal. Well, as normal as you can be being a 13-year-old wizard living in a castle.  
  
Harry grumbled to himself as he walked down the halls of Hogwarts. He had been awarded a detention by Snape, again, and it hadn't even been his fault, again. It had been during potions. Somehow Malfoy had managed to slip an extra ingredient into Harry's cauldron and step away from it before it exploded, which it did, taking Harry's eyebrows with it. Snape hadn't thought twice about deducting house points and giving him another detention.  
  
Fortunately for Harry, the greasy-haired potions master was too busy to oversee his torture and so had offloaded the burden onto Remus Lupin, the Defence against the Dark Arts professor, and Harry's favourite teacher.  
  
So, there he was, walking down a corridor to Professor Lupin's rooms. Stopping outside the door, Harry knocked loudly. There was no answer from within, though that was to be expected as the door was thick and heavy to prevent Lupin's werewolf form from escaping if it ever took control.  
  
Pushing the door open, with some difficulty, Harry peered inside the room. A blast of loud music hit his ear-drums and he almost didn't dare to look. He wished he hadn't. Professor Remus Lupin was in the middle of the floor, furniture having been pushed back against the walls, dancing. That in itself wasn't enough to disturb Harry, it was the fact that Remus was wearing a dress. But not just any dress, oh no, the dress worn by Kylie Minogue in her video for 'Santa Baby', the short, red one with the white fur trim. He was also dancing along to the music. Harry ran.  
  
Later that night, Harry was curled up on his bed when Ron and Hermione walked in. "What's wrong Harry?" Ron asked, looking really stupid.  
  
"It's-it's professor Lupin. He was..." Harry took a deep breath "He was dancing to that song by Kylie Minogue, you know, Santa Baby?" Hermione nodded "And, well, he was wearing the dress she wore in the video. You know, the short red one with the white fur trim." Harry had a sudden sense of Deja vous. Then he had another one. Hermione just looked purplexed.  
  
"Surely it wasn't worse than Snape in the crochless jeans, was it?" She asked. Ron just looked stupid. Harry realised where the first sense of deja vous had come from. He shuddered.  
  
"It was worse. Much worse. The dress was too short and he was..." another deep breath "he was going commando. You could see everything and he was DANCING, Hermione, DANCING!!!" There was a collective gasp from all those in the room with half a brain-cell, i.e. Harry and Hermione. Harry only had half a brain cell so he gasped too. Ron wasn't that smart and was busy picking his nose.  
  
"Oh dear lord!" cried Hermione as Harry went into shock and began to shake uncontrollably.  
  
Harry's medication was doubled as he was now a very ill little boy. However, he was also stupid so the shock wore off real quick  
  
The End. 


	3. Of Cardcaptors and Headmasters

The disturbing life of harry potter- part 3  
  
Harry Potter was at this moment sitting outside by the lake watching the lake monster beat Ron Weasley to death but yet he didn't have the energy at the moment to rescue him so just watched his friends be smashed against rocks.  
  
He'd been thinking a lot lately. He'd had some pretty disturbing detentions. First there was that whole Snape and the weird Christina Aguilera trousers, it was quite strange and he hadn't been able to keep a straight face during potions ever since.  
  
Then their had been Remus, one of his fathers friends and previous defence against the dark arts teacher at Hogwarts. For a start he was wearing a mini Santa dress and was singing kylies "Santa baby" song. How harry knew this song was unknown but he didn't question it. Harry was beginning to wonder whether he would ever have a normal life.  
  
"RON WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT THE HELL UP!" Harry shouted at his friend as he let out blood curdling screams. Doesn't anyone understand people need to think?! Harry thought. He checked the time on his watch and got out his medication, which had recently been changed as it had been supposedly been making him violent and gay, not that Malfoy had complained.  
  
"Two of the blue, one of the yellow, and three of the purple." Harry said checking he was taking the right pills. But before he could put them into his mouth a horrifying sight appeared before him.  
  
"Hello there Harry. How are you?" The voice said.  
  
Harrys' Eyes grew wide with shock and he began screaming like a girl before running away, leaving Rons to have his legs bitten off by the lake monster.  
  
Later on Hermione came into the common room and noticed harry sitting in a corner with his wand outstretched in front of him and a fortress of big dusty books around him to protect him.  
  
"Harry Have you seen Ron he was supposed to meet me to.?" She began and then stopped "Never mind!" she added quickly blushing as she did.  
  
Harry just sat there staring past her looking very pale.  
  
"Harry whatever is the matter?" She asked opening her mouth as wide as possible when speaking like she usually did.  
  
"I saw-I Saw- I saw. Oh my god it was so disturbing!" he cried  
  
"What was it?"  
  
"Dumbledore!" he exclaimed, "You know how there was that Manga called Cardcaptor Sakura.  
  
"Yes" Hermione said reluctantly.  
  
"Well. well.well." harry began but couldn't find a rational way of saying it so. "WELL DUMBLEDORE WAS WEARING ONE OF THOSE BIG FRILLY PINK DRESSES AND CARRYING A PINK STAFF WITH A STAR ON TOP ROUND AND ACTING LIKE IT WAS NORMAL!"  
  
"You don't like the big frilly dresses?" Hermione asked blushing again  
  
"Hermione, Dumbledore was wearing it! If it had been Drac-" Harry stopped realising what he was going to shout. "Never mind"  
  
"So it was another Snape and Lupin thing was it?" Hermione asked  
  
Harry at this point went berserk, and began randomly shoving different coloured pills down his throat, and later was taken to the hospital wing. Again. 


End file.
